Are You Being Spiritual?

Before the Coronavirus pandemic, before shelter in place orders were given, and before going to work daily during uncertain times, I had the fight of my life with anxiety.

Crystal and I made the decision to buy our new home. We found beautiful, fully renovated home in a quiet area on two secluded acres with lots of trees. It’s our little slice of Heaven. We made an offer, negotiated, and made a deal. We were getting our dream home!

Just to put things in perspective, we purchased our former home when we first moved back to Missouri. I was starting over in the RV service industry and Crystal worked part time in retail. We lived in that home for seven years as we built our lives and climbed our respective career ladders. So, we skipped about two levels of home purchases when we found this one. We had to stretch our faith and checkbook to make it work.

When we were in the buying process, we had some things come up which caused challenges in the financing. We had to change lenders at the last minute and figure some things out. However, we found favor through it all and closed on our beautiful home. However, we still had our original home we needed to sell. If it didn’t sell in a few months, we would be in huge financial trouble.

Our original home had nice qualities, but had been covered by drab paints and finishes. I wanted to get it to it’s best before putting it on the market. So, I went to work. Nights and weekends, I worked for what I thought would be a couple of months. However, because I can’t just slap paint on it and call it good, the project lasted nearly six months.

For six months I worked 80 plus hour weeks, mostly alone with my thoughts. Now, I am an optimist by nature. However, I came to a point of despair about four months into the project. Pressure was building at work. I was never at home with my family. Finances were tight and getting tighter by the week. We had this beautiful home that I only saw after 10 PM and left around 7 AM. I felt pressure like I had never experienced in my life.

I would love to say I was “spiritual” and sang worship music and read my Bible more than ever. I would be lying if I said that. I did listen to every message from my favorite preachers and listened to multiple audio books and podcasts. If I hadn’t, I’m not sure what shape I would be in today (or, honestly, if I would be here at all). I grew weary fighting this battle for so long in seeming isolation under constant pressure.

I was tired, yet I continued to press on. Why? Because it had to be done and we couldn’t afford to pay someone else to do it. I have a gift, and sometimes curse, of seeing the trajectory of actions and processes. It has made me successful in my career. However, it caused severe anxiety during this time. If I didn’t get the home ready to sell in a timely manner, we were ruined financially. I could see what could happen and it was ugly.

I had to take one Saturday off, not to rest, but to work on my van that I had ran into a ditch. Again, I was tired. I was working on it while fielding calls from work where I had to explain failures by my team to my boss. When I got off the phone, I was DONE. I’m so thankful for what happened next.

I was giving in. I was finished with the fight. I was looking for the towel to throw. Then, Crystal walked into the garage and I broke. You see, she was in a battle of her own and I didn’t want to burden her with my worries. So, like an idiot, I tried to carry my burdens and help carry hers without communicating where I was. When she walked in at that moment, I knew my Father had sent her. We talked, we cried, and we came together in a profound way.

Nothing changed on the outside. We were still in trouble. I was still exhausted. There was still too much to be done in the time we had. However, I was strengthened. We brought our situation before the throne of God and gave it to Him. I realized on a soul level that I couldn’t carry this weight to the finish line. But, He could.

Crystal reached out to her parents who were more than happy to help us in the final stages of the remodel. Others came along to help. Our realtor loved what we had done with the home and put it on the market. I got a Facebook message for an old friend who had been following the progress and was in the market. Within FIVE DAYS, we were under contract. I met him and his wife to show the details of the home and he told me, “It’s like you made it for me. The colors are exactlywhat I would pick.” The home was finished and sold within a week of my self-imposed deadline.

Why did I share this story? Many reasons. It illustrates the Grace of God in the darkest times. He was at work in the background, orchestrating our blessing. He was moving on the hearts of others when I didn’t feel I could call on anyone (I didn’t want to be a bother). Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned in that season was a phrase I had almost passed off as cliche.

“Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 NASB)

I grew up thinking that if I was spiritual enough, I wouldn’t worry. I honestly thought I needed to “grow in the Faith” or trust in God more when I felt anxious. I’m a guy many church leaders come to when they have questions and ideas that they want help with. How could I have struggled so much in that recent season?

I have learned a valuable lesson and I hope to help you in a difficult season. While this lesson is so simple, it can be missed; especially by “spirituality mature” believers.

Here is the lesson: You cannot honor Scripture by being self reliant to the point you convince yourself that you don’t need any help. The Scripture honoring way to work through a crisis of any kind is to cast our anxiety on Him. Understand that He has placed people in your life to help in your time of need.

Now, have I been perfect in this? The answer is a resounding no. I, like many of you, have been under pressure during this pandemic and economic downturn. I have had moments where I wanted to “lose it.” Thankfully, I have people in my life I can confide in and talk things through. I have written this as a lesson I am continuing to learn.

Are you spiritual enough to admit that you are experiencing anxiety? Are you mature enough to ask for help? What I have discovered is, people who God has placed in your life, are willing and able to be God’s tangible goodness in your life. They are standing ready even when they are facing challenges of their own. You are NOT a burden. Simply ask for help and place your anxiety on Him. Why? Because He cares for you.

Blessings.